...or is it much harder to sleep when you know you have to get up early in the morning?
...or is it infinitely frustrating when there is a book whose story is so good that you are dying for your daughter to read it, but *one* scene renders that impossible? (I'm talking about you, Clan of the Cave Bear)
...or is it a bit of a shock to spend time with non-homeschooled kids after spending almost all your time with homeschooled ones?
...or is there anything more heartbreaking than seeing your child constantly passed over for the prettier/more popular/more outgoing/pushier girls in (insert activity of choice)...and that's by the teachers?! Okay, yes, there are plenty of more heartbreaking things, but 30 year old ladies: high school is over. You don't have to kiss up to the popular girls. Oh, and that goes double for you moms.
...or is it kind of hard to read Facebook posts wherein moms rhapsodize about how much they have learned from their little hellions? About how parenting their alphabet soup child has made them come to terms with their failings as a parent and as a person and how they wouldn't change a darn thing. Maybe I'm just a bad person or a bad mother, but I hang on by the skin of my teeth every day. If not for the grace of God, I don't know how I would cope with my alphabet souper (ADHD, OCD, TS). I am not grateful to him for making me come to terms with my failings. I sort of begin every day praying that we'll both make it through the day relatively unscathed and that my other children will come through the entire experience of their childhood somewhat undamaged (no drama here - I have stories I could tell). Of course I love my son, but I am not going to go posting all over FB about how he has made me a better person. I try very hard to keep it real for all the moms who struggle and need it real. It is a struggle. By keeping it honest, though, even the small victories mean something.
...or is it just ridiculous when people make interpersonal comparisons of personal angst...of any kind? It's a social choice/game theory maxim that you can't make interpersonal comparisons of personal utility. In other words, what is important to me and to what degree it is important can't in any meaningful way be measured against the same for you. Well, it's true for angst, too. You may look at my life and wonder what on Earth I'm carping about: after all, x, y, and z (surely you've met them?) have it so much worse. That is an invalid statement. I'm getting far afield, but I've written on this before, so when I'm on my computer, I'll link the articles.
Anyway, maybe it's all just me! Does anything resonate?
I'm one of those moms with a major alphabet souper. It sucks. It's a struggle. It's a struggle every.single.day. But I'm one of those moms who came across the idea that God is *using* my daughter and those struggles to conform me to His image. In parenting her I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling and then going to confession because I'm human and it sucks to parent a special needs child even if it does have eternal rewards.
ReplyDeleteThat's a really good point, Tess. I wrote this late at night (when I shouldn't ever write) and then I regretted it. However, I try not to delete things because I want it to be real. Actually, I was reflecting today that God has absolutely used my son to conform me to His image in every way. I know that's true, but I just resist it so very hard! I am still in the denial stage. I grew up with a brother just like my son, and I prayed so hard not to have a child like my brother - I told God I wouldn't be able to handle it. Well...turns out I was wrong. Kind of. Define handle. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI love the Kierkegaard reference and, yes, thanks be to God for the sacrament of Confession! Thanks so much for reading and for offering me some much needed perspective.