Thursday, January 11, 2018

Long Time, No Blog


Wow. I don't think I've ever been away so long since I started this blog around eight years ago (I think!). I don't know about you, but when things aren't going particularly well in my life, I don't have the heart to blog. I really don't have the heart to do anything I normally enjoy, and writing in any form is something I really enjoy. 

I am always grateful for everything in my life. I always start and end every day by thanking God for giving me life, health, and my Catholic faith (to be honest, I also thank him for my bed - I have an unreasonable fear of being homeless, so I never, ever take my warm, comfortable bed for granted. Also, given that my parents' home was flooded in Harvey and they're still out of it, and my heart absolutely aches for my mother who is as much of a homebody as I am, I am even more grateful for my home and my bed. If you're wondering about my obsession with my bed, I spend far, far too much time in it given my chronic and unrelenting migraines. Some weeks I see it more than I see my children -- and I homeschool! - end of parenthetical explanation). Having said that, 2017 was a bit of a challenge for our family and for me. The majority of it is too personal to post about, but prayers are always appreciated. Like everyone else in Houston, I was affected by Harvey personally, but I continue to be affected as I watch my parents deal with the aftermath of their home loss. I have bad dreams about it at least once a week (I mean, I have nightmares every night, but they haven't typically involved my parents until recently). I *still* feel like I haven't gotten our homeschool year off to the proper start. Thankfully, my high schoolers are self-sufficient and on track.

2017 also brought scary health news for a very close family member. The diagnosis came on the twins' 13th birthday. Again, prayers would be appreciated.

For obvious reasons, I can't speak as candidly about my children's lives on this blog as I once did. Suffice it to say that raising four teenagers is, as I know many of you know, heartbreaking. Watching them make questionable choices and having to deal with the natural consequences of their actions is harder than having made many of the same mistakes myself. I have been telling them since they were very young that every decision matters, and that sometimes you don't get another chance because some decisions are just that consequential. Turns out I'm right.

As for me, I wish I could tell everyone what I tell my own kids every day - extend grace. Know the heart of the person you're dealing with. If they screw up, judge them by their heart and their intentions. Look past their mistake to the person that they are. There have been so many instances this year where I have been judged, not by my heart or by my intentions, but by my mistakes. It seems like, as with every aspect of American culture these days, people have lost the forest for the trees. I'm losing heart in so many aspects of my life. Am I the only fallible person out there? It feels like it. 

And now we see why I don't blog when I am bogged down like this! It devolves into a pity party. I dislike pity parties. I'm an introvert: I dislike all parties. However, it's a new year and a new semester. I firmly believe in yesterday's Wordless Wednesday post. I'm ready to jump back on the wagon of my life and begin blogging again (sans pity).

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