Tuesday, July 31, 2018

So Many Ideas, So Little Time

It used to be that all I wanted to do was work. I always had my laptop open and I was always working. It annoyed my husband, and rightly so. Just because you work from home doesn't mean that you should always be working. My wonderful husband built me a beautiful desk in our bedroom (yes, I know sleep science says that's a no-no), and since then I usually keep my computer at my desk. The funny thing is, though, I no longer feel like working all that much. I have been self-employed for more than 10 years. In that time, I have had the same job, supplemented by other writing jobs. I have always looked forward to getting on my computer and setting everything down on paper. In the past six months or so, though, I just don't feel like working anymore! There are too many other things I'm interested in.

I have never considered myself a creative person. I'm too "color within the lines" for that. Recently, though, I just have so many creative ideas and things I want to do. I have ideas for businesses that I want to start. I want to play with my boys (the human ones and the canine ones!). My sons just introduced me to Magic the Gathering, and I have rarely had as much fun as I have when playing with them. You get to see your kids in a different light when you do different things with them (I know - so much profundity for a Tuesday morning!). Anyone who knows me at all knows that life has not always (ever) been easy with my 15 year-old. He has personality traits that I am sure God gave him for a greater purpose in life, but it is hard to see that purpose when trying to parent him. However, playing a game with him shows him to me in a new light. He is helpful and compassionate. He is a good sport. He's *hilarious*. I think it's so helpful to take time out from being a parent and just play like I did when my kids were younger. They love it. I love it.

I have always wondered if I have a touch of ADD - my brain just goes so fast all the time. I'm at a point in my life where it's doing so more than ever. I wonder if it's related to something else going on with me. My migraines are worse than ever. I am out of commission almost completely about 50% of the time and I'm compromised another 25% of the time. I'm trying neurology again after taking a long hiatus. There are only so many times you can realize that there is no hope for you before it begins to wear you down. Sometimes I think it's better to suffer resignedly than to always be hoping for some relief.


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